boobsforme

WHAT THE HELL, CALIFORNIA.

ETA:
I'm still angry, god damn it!

I just... I'll never be able to finish anything at this rate, will I?

SOBBBBB

I'm going to try drawing traditionally I guess. Anyone want me to draw something for them? I swear I'll get on it this time orz.

The first ten people to comment in this post get to request a drabble of any pairing / character of their choosing from me. In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability. If you absolutely cannot write, I do not see why you would not be able to offer drawings or icons or something instead.

LAY IT ON ME.
Sorry for the spam

I'm sorry for the spam, but shortly after my last post, I had quite a surprise happen to me.

I was in the shower earlier, and suddenly I notice this huge black spot in my field of vision. Thinking it was an insect, I tried swatting at it only to realize that whatever it was is inside of my eye. I could see it even with my eye closed, and it would follow my eye where ever it moved. This freaked me out and I thought it was a parasite or something, so I literally screamed because I didn't know what to do. :I

Later, I went to the optometrist, and found out that it's only a gigantic vitreous floater. The only difference that this one has to regular floaters is that it's not transparent, and it's not small. It looks like black ink blown into a cup full of of water, and takes up about 1/8th of my vision. However, I'll have to get used to it for weeks, maybe even months, until it goes away on its own, because there's nothing I can do to make it go away. It doesn't hurt or anything, but it does get in the way of my field of vision and frustrates the hell out of me.

SO TL;DR: I have a huge, black floater in my right eye, and it's not going to go away for quite awhile. :\

( Ughhhh I can't stop watching this Lucky Star crap )

Jeez, enough of that.
Now here's where I show you art stuff. All of it is from TE.

( MORE stuff! That is drawn! FOR ME! あああああ! )

Such a lazy day today but it's one of those days where you don't feel bad for lazing around. It was cold and cloudy anyway.

Oh, yeah, doodle. I wanted to post this, because I thought it was fairly decent for being something that I drew super quick and while falling asleep. I seriously could not keep my eyes open, and I still barely can, haha.

( Read more... )

What can I say? Crona is too fun to draw.

I think all parents are different. Some are horrible and do not know how to take care of themselves or their children, and others are responsible and love their family very much. My parents are in the middle somewhere; I get along with them well enough, but they're not my best buds or anything.

My parents did an alright job, I suppose. I think my parents could have done better, especially when it comes to communicating. I've grown up thinking that it is not at all okay to express feelings or thoughts, because every time I have with them, I am made fun of, seen as an annoyance, and not respected at all. This is a reason why I don't talk to my parents, or really anyone IRL anymore. Hell, my parents never even gave me "the talk" or anything like that at all.

I am not ungrateful to them, as I do chores for them, compliment and thank them for the things they do for me, and give them presents when the desire strikes me, but our relationship seems to only be "strictly professional," so to speak. I never could cry on my mother's shoulder, or talk about crushes with my dad, or say "I love you" to either of them, because it is seen as "weird" in my family for some reason. Our relationship is so empty and emotionless, that it's rather heartbreaking when I think about it. I've always thought of myself as lucky that I even had both of my biological parents, but I'd also end up getting jealous at those who have such close relationships with their parent(s)/guardian(s), because I want to have that closeness too.

I try not to be so shallow and disingenuous around others like my parents are, and I try to communicate myself to my friends unlike my parents do even with themselves. The positive parts of my being is not because of my parents, but sadly because of my friends and the internet. My parents did a lot of things that hindered my personal growth and stuck with me, things that will take work to fix, but they aren't the only ones. I think my sisters are more responsible on that part than my parents, but they enabled them. In my mind, that is enough.

If I could give my parents a letter grade, I'd probably give them a "B+". Could have been worse, but could have been better too. At least I'm not a psycho serial killer or something!

How about you, Flist?

This post was very much inspired by a recent post on lesbian about lesbians' opinions on bisexuality. I felt like I wanted to add my observations and opinions.

This is always hard for me to grasp, because I am not bisexual myself (maybe 1% bisexual? I wouldn't really know). And it's always such a touchy subject amongst the monosexual types. I've met many lesbians who have sore spots when it comes to bisexuals, usually because of a bad experience, or because of biphobia running rampant. I often find many bisexuals backing themselves up by saying that they get the most discrimination within the LGBTQ community, and that gays and lesbians should "know better" since they get discriminated against all the time, and that monosexuals who don't date bisexuals are just insecure with themselves. I'm a little wary of actively playing into both side's Oppression Olympics, because both sides have their own share of pain and discrimination, but I can empathize with one side. I feel that I should explain the sentiments of monosexuals that many bisexuals/polysexuals are unable to understand. Maybe neither side will ever understand and will always be subjected to jealousy of one side or the other.

First of all, why is it everyone is always so afraid of their bisexual partner leaving them or cheating on them for a another sex? Does it really happen that often? Probably not, but the fact that it does happen makes the bisexuals untrustworthy in the eyes of the monosexual. It varies; some monosexuals I've known think it's worse when a bisexual partner leaves them for the opposite sex, while others think it's worse if they left them for the same sex. Many of the former have expressed helplessness and feelings of inadequacy because they cannot compare to the opposite sex, and they feel that they weren't enough. Those of the latter think it's worse, because they CAN compare to the same sex, and that drives them insane. But hey, cheating is cheating, right? Whether it's a bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, or whatever, it will hurt no matter what. And actually, I've known tons of bisexuals that are very monogamous and very loyal to their partners, contrary to their nefarious stereotype.

I often find that, within my friendship with a handful of bisexuals, that they wish they were monosexual too. I remember having little arguments with a bisexual friend of mine, and she'd always say how both heterosexuals and homosexuals often discriminate her to be a sex-addict or "confused" because she won't "pick a side". I used to argue that at least she had the option to have a normal "lifestyle" if she just so happened to fall for a guy, while I will always be persecuted no matter who I fall for, because it is not "normal" in this heteronormative world. That she'd at least be able to have more of a chance to find someone she loves as opposed to me having less options. (Okay, okay, REALLY. Have to go a little off topic here to rant. Do you know how incredibly hard it is to find a girl that's my type (I'm not even very specific or picky!), who is also attracted to women? Who actually LIKES ME back? Of me finding that girl, who is also my age or is even ALIVE in my time period or even in my country? This is almost an impossible chance for me!) We'd constantly discuss which one has it worse off, until we finally agreed to disagree. More often than I'd like to admit, I find myself agreeing with those who have biphobic opinions, because I've been there. Perhaps not with the basic, very ignorant and biased parts of it, i.e.: "Bisexuals will always leave you for (insert gender/sex opposite from your own)!" "Bisexuals will always cheat!" et cetera, but the more deeper, psychological parts that being with a bisexual can trigger...

One thing I notice recently is that many bisexuals I've known do talk about how they feel they are "missing out," depending on who they are with. Almost every bisexual I've known or known of, who is in a straight/gay, monogamous relationship, complains about how they wish they could be with someone of the opposite gender as their current partner. Of course, this usually is because they're temporarily fed up with their current partner for some reason or they miss an ex of theirs, or both. And because of that, I also find that many of said bisexuals' partners express some sort of deep sadness and insecurity when they find out. The monosexual partner feels inadequate that they cannot satiate their bisexual partner's desires by being the opposite sex for them. This can either make the monosexual partner feel angry and jealous, or sad and helpless, or (though not often) feel indifferent about it and accept it.

I find that pansexuals rarely do the above. This may be why bisexuals are not considered as being as "serious" as opposed to pansexuals, since bisexuals' attraction is towards men and women only, while pansexuals go for every sex/gender depending on how attractive their personality is. Maybe because, for pansexuals, it has less to do with sexuality/gender, which many homosexuals are incredibly insecure about to begin with, and more to do with the value of the person's character and personality.

One lesbian I talked to express that she would never date a bisexual, because the thought of being left for a man makes her feel disgusted and hurt. She said that this situation would come off as saying, "it's not just you, it's your sex/gender too" as to why they left. A bisexual person can lose so much by simply being with the same sex. One girl said that for a bisexual woman to be with a lesbian, they are sacrificing so much by being with another woman and they have the option not to. As sad as it is, a woman cannot give a bisexual woman everything that a man can, aside from just what's between the legs. We can't offer social acceptance, children, marriage (in certain places, anyway), or family pride, all of which being in a heterosexual relationship automatically gives you. We cannot give them the security of shared insurance, that our families will accept her, or anything that a man could easily give her. Why would someone subject herself to such hardships when she can be with a man instead?

I never knew how to answer that question, other than the cliche, "Love conquers all" answer. Which, depending on how much the couple really does loves each other, can actually be true. But anyhow...

Many homosexuals are always harassed with the theory that "sexuality is a choice," when it really isn't, and out of hurt feelings and jealousy, they punish bisexuals, who do have a "choice". Granted, this is not really true, they cannot choose to be bisexual or not, but they are seen as people who can "choose" who they are with and be happy with them, as opposed to a homosexual person. In reality, sexuality is as fluid as water. I've known homosexuals who have found their 1% and married someone of the opposite sex, and vice-versa for a heterosexual. So many people don't realize it, because our preferences are so set in stone, but who we end up falling for is not usually who we expect.

Maybe we monosexuals are simply being insecure and immature. I find so many bisexuals who often say that we are insecure, jealous, close-minded, inane, or what-have-you, but rarely try to understand why we may feel that way. On the other hand, it isn't fair to deny someone who is virtually no different than us. It isn't fair that our heteronormative societies force us to be so distrusting and leery towards each other due to different sexualities. It isn't fair that potential partners size you up depending on how your sexuality will reflect on them, regardless of anyone's actual feelings for the other.

The point of this was not to bash bisexuals, or monosexuals, but to maybe give more of an insight as to why monosexuals think a certain way when it comes to bisexuals. As I said, I can understand both sides really, but I can only empathize with monosexuals, since I have rarely known myself to be bisexual and do not know what it's like completely to be in their shoes. I would like to understand as much as I can, though...


EDIT:
I'd like to add that I have been told that I "at least know my boundaries" when it comes to sexuality, and the thing is... No, I don't. I know what I predominately prefer, but I cannot say that it is absolutely impossible for me to fall in love with a man, or a transgendered person, a hermaphrodite, an alien, a robot, or anything. I had a gender-queered ex who felt guilty to be with me because ze* knew I was a lesbian, and that it was inevitable that I would fall out of love with hir whenever ze may plan to transition one day, and because ~technically~ our relationship was heterosexual since ze identified as male on the inside but did not undergo any sort of physical or psychological transition yet. And it was almost an every day thing where I would have to convince hir that just because I identify as a lesbian and predominately go for women, does not mean that my sexuality is not open-ended. I don't think it is impossible for me to fall for someone of the opposite sex, or someone who plans to become the opposite sex, if I already know and love them. If I love them, and I mean really love them completely and already, why should something that is confined to the outside appearance (i.e. physical genitalia) compromise everything?

I am a person who mostly is attracted to those with more feminine/androgynous traits in both their appearance and their personality. However, that doesn't mean that I will never ever be attracted to those who are uber feminine/masculine or have uber feminine/masculine traits. Before I went out with any of my exes, I thought I knew what I liked, but that certain type ended up being the complete opposite of the people I ended up actually going out with. Just because I "know what I like," does not mean that I am confined to it. And just because I won't isolate myself from the possibility of anything but a lesbian relationship, does not mean that I don't identify as a lesbian still.

However, that does not mean that I can be ~swayed~ to the cock by having one night with a guy. He'd have to be a reeeeeaaaal piece of work to attract me AND keep me. Not saying it's impossible, just that it may mostly be unlikely!

Has anyone ever tried Runes of Magic? It's apparently like WoW, only free. I'd like to know if it's actually worth DLing and installing.

Gunna go roller-skating. Toodles~

EDIT: lol I'm watching Twilight guys.

Happy ST. Patty's!

Now have a doodly!

( Just one for now )

I really want this shirt, and this one too! I'm low on cash though. :( I need to buy jeans instead of shirts. My only pair of jeans are ripping apart already and I only had them for a year.