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Get Over It.
Mar. 30th, 2009 06:30 pmIf you have been deeply hurt by an incident or situation that happened a long time ago and have not gotten the proper care on resolving the issues from said incident, only to have someone (specifically someone involved in said incident) tell you to basically just get over it because so much time has already passed, how do you respond? How would you feel? Where do you start on "getting over" it?
[Poll #1375248]
"Time heals all wounds" is a misleading phrase. In many situations, it can just make it worse. The guilt that the other person may have can hinder personal growth for both parties, because they want to forget about what they feel guilty about. Time passes, and the issues are still not communicated or resolved, so it festers as time goes on.
All of these breaks and instances of avoidance seem like an excuse for the other person to not be bothered with it. "I'm guilty enough as is, I don't want to hear your nagging about it anymore," is how it's translated. I can understand that, I hate being reminded of my own mistakes all the time. But simply trying to distract me from it and trying to cheer me up when I'm angry and upset to begin with, even if the intentions are good, will only make me angrier. I want to confront this issue, not put it off any longer, or have the issue and my feelings about it be trivialized just because "it happened a long time ago" or some such.
Unfortunately, whenever I DO have the opportunity to confront an issue, I don't have the means to do so. I get tongue-tied, hesitant, and unable to accurately word my problems, and often forget. Then the issue is dragged on because I later remember things I should have said, or wanted to say. It is annoying, and I wish I knew how to change that.
Anyhow, I feel it's counter-productive, because I know I feel insecure and like utter crap when being told such. I think to myself, "Well, you just don't understand," and that would only accomplish anger on their side, and it helps no one.
[Poll #1375248]
"Time heals all wounds" is a misleading phrase. In many situations, it can just make it worse. The guilt that the other person may have can hinder personal growth for both parties, because they want to forget about what they feel guilty about. Time passes, and the issues are still not communicated or resolved, so it festers as time goes on.
All of these breaks and instances of avoidance seem like an excuse for the other person to not be bothered with it. "I'm guilty enough as is, I don't want to hear your nagging about it anymore," is how it's translated. I can understand that, I hate being reminded of my own mistakes all the time. But simply trying to distract me from it and trying to cheer me up when I'm angry and upset to begin with, even if the intentions are good, will only make me angrier. I want to confront this issue, not put it off any longer, or have the issue and my feelings about it be trivialized just because "it happened a long time ago" or some such.
Unfortunately, whenever I DO have the opportunity to confront an issue, I don't have the means to do so. I get tongue-tied, hesitant, and unable to accurately word my problems, and often forget. Then the issue is dragged on because I later remember things I should have said, or wanted to say. It is annoying, and I wish I knew how to change that.
Anyhow, I feel it's counter-productive, because I know I feel insecure and like utter crap when being told such. I think to myself, "Well, you just don't understand," and that would only accomplish anger on their side, and it helps no one.
I get screamed at and told that I need professional help because I didn't get out a new milk and put it in the fridge. She feels all better now while I have to hide out in my room until I'm ready to stop crying or until she's already gone to work.
SORRY, Your Highness, that I had forgotten to refresh the supply of dairy products. As a consolation, please batter my self-esteem in hopes that it will quench your thirst.
SORRY, Your Highness, that I had forgotten to refresh the supply of dairy products. As a consolation, please batter my self-esteem in hopes that it will quench your thirst.
I am really sick of seeing people play the "oppression olympics" when it comes to gays vs. blacks vs. women. Because there certainly aren't any black lesbians or anything in the world amirite lol????//
I think that oppression is like, well... a box of chocolates (not in the same way that Forest Gump's mother would compare a box of chocolates to life, but humor me with this).
All oppression is different; hate comes in different shapes and sizes, but essentially, it is hate nevertheless. Gay's fight for civil rights is not the same as PoC's or women's, or whathaveyou. None of the said groups' fight for civil rights is the same, nor has any of their fights ended either. However, that doesn't mean that either groups' suffering and injustice is invalidated or insignificant in comparison to another's. I suppose people seem to think this is so because of California Prop 8 opposors spontaneously protesting and fighting for gay's equality quickly as if this is their highest priority. It isn't so, in such a way. People are immediatly counterattacking this because it is an opportunity, not because they like gay people more or anything like that. It is an opportunity to stop the nation from openly stepping backwards on equality instead of moving forward. It is to send a message that hate should no longer be tolerated in this world/time, while simultaneously trying to save a fundamental right for a minority. I don't think gay's rights is more or less important than women's rights, or race's rights, or whatever other minority that is still being oppressed out there. It's all important, and I think it's important to stop oppression where and when we can swiftly and overwhelmingly do so when the opportunity presents itself. It's not about priorities, it's about fighting the good fight for PEOPLE. Not just for race, sex, sexuality, etc. We're all people, and we all feel pain.
That aside, how about some actual journal type-entry.
I spent all day babysitting both of my nephews. One of them, Seth, was here because Marissa's brother-in-law committed suicide a few days ago. He jumped off the Crystal Springs bridge, leaving his wife and his daughter behind. I feel sad that the only response my sister Katie could think of to say is, "two down," in reference to Marissa's ex-husband also committing suicide last year.
On a lighter note, I'm going to try and go to the nation-wide Join the Impact protest in San Jose, and maybe San Fran, if I can. I hope you can too.
I think that oppression is like, well... a box of chocolates (not in the same way that Forest Gump's mother would compare a box of chocolates to life, but humor me with this).
All oppression is different; hate comes in different shapes and sizes, but essentially, it is hate nevertheless. Gay's fight for civil rights is not the same as PoC's or women's, or whathaveyou. None of the said groups' fight for civil rights is the same, nor has any of their fights ended either. However, that doesn't mean that either groups' suffering and injustice is invalidated or insignificant in comparison to another's. I suppose people seem to think this is so because of California Prop 8 opposors spontaneously protesting and fighting for gay's equality quickly as if this is their highest priority. It isn't so, in such a way. People are immediatly counterattacking this because it is an opportunity, not because they like gay people more or anything like that. It is an opportunity to stop the nation from openly stepping backwards on equality instead of moving forward. It is to send a message that hate should no longer be tolerated in this world/time, while simultaneously trying to save a fundamental right for a minority. I don't think gay's rights is more or less important than women's rights, or race's rights, or whatever other minority that is still being oppressed out there. It's all important, and I think it's important to stop oppression where and when we can swiftly and overwhelmingly do so when the opportunity presents itself. It's not about priorities, it's about fighting the good fight for PEOPLE. Not just for race, sex, sexuality, etc. We're all people, and we all feel pain.
That aside, how about some actual journal type-entry.
I spent all day babysitting both of my nephews. One of them, Seth, was here because Marissa's brother-in-law committed suicide a few days ago. He jumped off the Crystal Springs bridge, leaving his wife and his daughter behind. I feel sad that the only response my sister Katie could think of to say is, "two down," in reference to Marissa's ex-husband also committing suicide last year.
On a lighter note, I'm going to try and go to the nation-wide Join the Impact protest in San Jose, and maybe San Fran, if I can. I hope you can too.
