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Get Over It.
Mar. 30th, 2009 06:30 pmIf you have been deeply hurt by an incident or situation that happened a long time ago and have not gotten the proper care on resolving the issues from said incident, only to have someone (specifically someone involved in said incident) tell you to basically just get over it because so much time has already passed, how do you respond? How would you feel? Where do you start on "getting over" it?
[Poll #1375248]
"Time heals all wounds" is a misleading phrase. In many situations, it can just make it worse. The guilt that the other person may have can hinder personal growth for both parties, because they want to forget about what they feel guilty about. Time passes, and the issues are still not communicated or resolved, so it festers as time goes on.
All of these breaks and instances of avoidance seem like an excuse for the other person to not be bothered with it. "I'm guilty enough as is, I don't want to hear your nagging about it anymore," is how it's translated. I can understand that, I hate being reminded of my own mistakes all the time. But simply trying to distract me from it and trying to cheer me up when I'm angry and upset to begin with, even if the intentions are good, will only make me angrier. I want to confront this issue, not put it off any longer, or have the issue and my feelings about it be trivialized just because "it happened a long time ago" or some such.
Unfortunately, whenever I DO have the opportunity to confront an issue, I don't have the means to do so. I get tongue-tied, hesitant, and unable to accurately word my problems, and often forget. Then the issue is dragged on because I later remember things I should have said, or wanted to say. It is annoying, and I wish I knew how to change that.
Anyhow, I feel it's counter-productive, because I know I feel insecure and like utter crap when being told such. I think to myself, "Well, you just don't understand," and that would only accomplish anger on their side, and it helps no one.
[Poll #1375248]
"Time heals all wounds" is a misleading phrase. In many situations, it can just make it worse. The guilt that the other person may have can hinder personal growth for both parties, because they want to forget about what they feel guilty about. Time passes, and the issues are still not communicated or resolved, so it festers as time goes on.
All of these breaks and instances of avoidance seem like an excuse for the other person to not be bothered with it. "I'm guilty enough as is, I don't want to hear your nagging about it anymore," is how it's translated. I can understand that, I hate being reminded of my own mistakes all the time. But simply trying to distract me from it and trying to cheer me up when I'm angry and upset to begin with, even if the intentions are good, will only make me angrier. I want to confront this issue, not put it off any longer, or have the issue and my feelings about it be trivialized just because "it happened a long time ago" or some such.
Unfortunately, whenever I DO have the opportunity to confront an issue, I don't have the means to do so. I get tongue-tied, hesitant, and unable to accurately word my problems, and often forget. Then the issue is dragged on because I later remember things I should have said, or wanted to say. It is annoying, and I wish I knew how to change that.
Anyhow, I feel it's counter-productive, because I know I feel insecure and like utter crap when being told such. I think to myself, "Well, you just don't understand," and that would only accomplish anger on their side, and it helps no one.
