boobsforme

This post was very much inspired by a recent post on lesbian about lesbians' opinions on bisexuality. I felt like I wanted to add my observations and opinions.

This is always hard for me to grasp, because I am not bisexual myself (maybe 1% bisexual? I wouldn't really know). And it's always such a touchy subject amongst the monosexual types. I've met many lesbians who have sore spots when it comes to bisexuals, usually because of a bad experience, or because of biphobia running rampant. I often find many bisexuals backing themselves up by saying that they get the most discrimination within the LGBTQ community, and that gays and lesbians should "know better" since they get discriminated against all the time, and that monosexuals who don't date bisexuals are just insecure with themselves. I'm a little wary of actively playing into both side's Oppression Olympics, because both sides have their own share of pain and discrimination, but I can empathize with one side. I feel that I should explain the sentiments of monosexuals that many bisexuals/polysexuals are unable to understand. Maybe neither side will ever understand and will always be subjected to jealousy of one side or the other.

First of all, why is it everyone is always so afraid of their bisexual partner leaving them or cheating on them for a another sex? Does it really happen that often? Probably not, but the fact that it does happen makes the bisexuals untrustworthy in the eyes of the monosexual. It varies; some monosexuals I've known think it's worse when a bisexual partner leaves them for the opposite sex, while others think it's worse if they left them for the same sex. Many of the former have expressed helplessness and feelings of inadequacy because they cannot compare to the opposite sex, and they feel that they weren't enough. Those of the latter think it's worse, because they CAN compare to the same sex, and that drives them insane. But hey, cheating is cheating, right? Whether it's a bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, or whatever, it will hurt no matter what. And actually, I've known tons of bisexuals that are very monogamous and very loyal to their partners, contrary to their nefarious stereotype.

I often find that, within my friendship with a handful of bisexuals, that they wish they were monosexual too. I remember having little arguments with a bisexual friend of mine, and she'd always say how both heterosexuals and homosexuals often discriminate her to be a sex-addict or "confused" because she won't "pick a side". I used to argue that at least she had the option to have a normal "lifestyle" if she just so happened to fall for a guy, while I will always be persecuted no matter who I fall for, because it is not "normal" in this heteronormative world. That she'd at least be able to have more of a chance to find someone she loves as opposed to me having less options. (Okay, okay, REALLY. Have to go a little off topic here to rant. Do you know how incredibly hard it is to find a girl that's my type (I'm not even very specific or picky!), who is also attracted to women? Who actually LIKES ME back? Of me finding that girl, who is also my age or is even ALIVE in my time period or even in my country? This is almost an impossible chance for me!) We'd constantly discuss which one has it worse off, until we finally agreed to disagree. More often than I'd like to admit, I find myself agreeing with those who have biphobic opinions, because I've been there. Perhaps not with the basic, very ignorant and biased parts of it, i.e.: "Bisexuals will always leave you for (insert gender/sex opposite from your own)!" "Bisexuals will always cheat!" et cetera, but the more deeper, psychological parts that being with a bisexual can trigger...

One thing I notice recently is that many bisexuals I've known do talk about how they feel they are "missing out," depending on who they are with. Almost every bisexual I've known or known of, who is in a straight/gay, monogamous relationship, complains about how they wish they could be with someone of the opposite gender as their current partner. Of course, this usually is because they're temporarily fed up with their current partner for some reason or they miss an ex of theirs, or both. And because of that, I also find that many of said bisexuals' partners express some sort of deep sadness and insecurity when they find out. The monosexual partner feels inadequate that they cannot satiate their bisexual partner's desires by being the opposite sex for them. This can either make the monosexual partner feel angry and jealous, or sad and helpless, or (though not often) feel indifferent about it and accept it.

I find that pansexuals rarely do the above. This may be why bisexuals are not considered as being as "serious" as opposed to pansexuals, since bisexuals' attraction is towards men and women only, while pansexuals go for every sex/gender depending on how attractive their personality is. Maybe because, for pansexuals, it has less to do with sexuality/gender, which many homosexuals are incredibly insecure about to begin with, and more to do with the value of the person's character and personality.

One lesbian I talked to express that she would never date a bisexual, because the thought of being left for a man makes her feel disgusted and hurt. She said that this situation would come off as saying, "it's not just you, it's your sex/gender too" as to why they left. A bisexual person can lose so much by simply being with the same sex. One girl said that for a bisexual woman to be with a lesbian, they are sacrificing so much by being with another woman and they have the option not to. As sad as it is, a woman cannot give a bisexual woman everything that a man can, aside from just what's between the legs. We can't offer social acceptance, children, marriage (in certain places, anyway), or family pride, all of which being in a heterosexual relationship automatically gives you. We cannot give them the security of shared insurance, that our families will accept her, or anything that a man could easily give her. Why would someone subject herself to such hardships when she can be with a man instead?

I never knew how to answer that question, other than the cliche, "Love conquers all" answer. Which, depending on how much the couple really does loves each other, can actually be true. But anyhow...

Many homosexuals are always harassed with the theory that "sexuality is a choice," when it really isn't, and out of hurt feelings and jealousy, they punish bisexuals, who do have a "choice". Granted, this is not really true, they cannot choose to be bisexual or not, but they are seen as people who can "choose" who they are with and be happy with them, as opposed to a homosexual person. In reality, sexuality is as fluid as water. I've known homosexuals who have found their 1% and married someone of the opposite sex, and vice-versa for a heterosexual. So many people don't realize it, because our preferences are so set in stone, but who we end up falling for is not usually who we expect.

Maybe we monosexuals are simply being insecure and immature. I find so many bisexuals who often say that we are insecure, jealous, close-minded, inane, or what-have-you, but rarely try to understand why we may feel that way. On the other hand, it isn't fair to deny someone who is virtually no different than us. It isn't fair that our heteronormative societies force us to be so distrusting and leery towards each other due to different sexualities. It isn't fair that potential partners size you up depending on how your sexuality will reflect on them, regardless of anyone's actual feelings for the other.

The point of this was not to bash bisexuals, or monosexuals, but to maybe give more of an insight as to why monosexuals think a certain way when it comes to bisexuals. As I said, I can understand both sides really, but I can only empathize with monosexuals, since I have rarely known myself to be bisexual and do not know what it's like completely to be in their shoes. I would like to understand as much as I can, though...


EDIT:
I'd like to add that I have been told that I "at least know my boundaries" when it comes to sexuality, and the thing is... No, I don't. I know what I predominately prefer, but I cannot say that it is absolutely impossible for me to fall in love with a man, or a transgendered person, a hermaphrodite, an alien, a robot, or anything. I had a gender-queered ex who felt guilty to be with me because ze* knew I was a lesbian, and that it was inevitable that I would fall out of love with hir whenever ze may plan to transition one day, and because ~technically~ our relationship was heterosexual since ze identified as male on the inside but did not undergo any sort of physical or psychological transition yet. And it was almost an every day thing where I would have to convince hir that just because I identify as a lesbian and predominately go for women, does not mean that my sexuality is not open-ended. I don't think it is impossible for me to fall for someone of the opposite sex, or someone who plans to become the opposite sex, if I already know and love them. If I love them, and I mean really love them completely and already, why should something that is confined to the outside appearance (i.e. physical genitalia) compromise everything?

I am a person who mostly is attracted to those with more feminine/androgynous traits in both their appearance and their personality. However, that doesn't mean that I will never ever be attracted to those who are uber feminine/masculine or have uber feminine/masculine traits. Before I went out with any of my exes, I thought I knew what I liked, but that certain type ended up being the complete opposite of the people I ended up actually going out with. Just because I "know what I like," does not mean that I am confined to it. And just because I won't isolate myself from the possibility of anything but a lesbian relationship, does not mean that I don't identify as a lesbian still.

However, that does not mean that I can be ~swayed~ to the cock by having one night with a guy. He'd have to be a reeeeeaaaal piece of work to attract me AND keep me. Not saying it's impossible, just that it may mostly be unlikely!