A Confession.

[boobsforme]

I've come to the realization that I seriously know next to nothing about basic math anymore. Just a few minutes ago, it took me a few minutes to add up 13 + 7, and I had to rely on my fingers because I got it wrong the first time doing it just in my head. I can't do things like math or spelling completely in my mind, I need to write it down or use a calculator or something. It makes things that are so simple to others, like paying at cash registers, hard for me because if I get the payment wrong, it'll take me a few minutes to accurately add up INCREDIBLY SIMPLE MATH because I'm too stupid for the real world. In that case, I end up getting so nervous, slow, and clumsy because people behind me would yell at me to hurry up or pay for me just so I can get out of their way. I have a lot of trouble when it comes to such things, because logical and analytical thinking, the kind of thinking that's required for math, is incredibly hard for me. I've never been able to absorb math like everyone else, I just usually wing it and hope that I picked the right answer. Thankfully for me, I'm more lucky than I am intelligent.

I really want to try to retake a basic math course or something, or try to pick up a math book and study on my own. I confess, it's one of the biggest reasons why I don't go to college. I don't remember most of the very basics, and I feel incredibly ashamed and embarrassed about it. I've heard that college usually has math and english courses before you're able to get to your majors, but I don't know, and I don't want to find out after enrolling and fail most of those courses because I'm an idiot. I don't want people to know how dumb I am, especially when it comes to such simple things like basic math. But at the same time, I don't want to waste a lot of time restudying everything for a year or two.

I kind of miss high school. I miss kind of being forced to see people and trade study notes and skip classes with people I wouldn't hang out with outside of school. I miss being forced to be social, because I obviously can't bring myself to be social, no matter how miserable I may be. I miss going somewhere and not being home all the time. I really should apply for jobs, but I feel like my procrastination and my severe lack of motivation just proves that I'm not ready for a real job, or college, or anything.



Sorry for posting every freakin' day, pretty much. I'm updating a lot now because I don't have anything to do and almost no one to talk to lately. Well, I guess I do, but I'm just too shy to confront anyone. My mind has been wandering a lot, because I'm bored and lonely. It's odd because I seem to switch randomly from being incredibly shy and lonely, to being annoyed and entirely solitary. I should try to engage in conversations more often, but there always seem to be this invisible block that prevents me from doing so. That block is especially apparent when I really need to talk to someone.

Comments

[inpatterns.livejournal.com]

Ugh, math. I'm so horrible at it. Sometimes when I'm at work I'll input the wrong tender someone has given me into the computer and I'll have to compute the difference on my own, and it's embarrassing how long it takes me. XD

Taking a basic math course sounds like an awesome idea! It would be useful, at the very least.

[milkskate.livejournal.com]

Sometimes when I'm at work I'll input the wrong tender someone has given me into the computer and I'll have to compute the difference on my own, and it's embarrassing how long it takes me. Goddamn I hate that, especially if I put in something crazy like "$326" when they gave you, like, $4.75 or something. It takes me foreveeeeerrr to get correct change because the mistake number throws me the fuck off.

[cakefarts.livejournal.com]

Aww, yeah. :[ That's what I'd hate about being a cashier or something somewhere. I guess I'd always blame the computer/cash machine, though. :P

[milkskate.livejournal.com]

Basic math is mostly just memorization, unless you're one of those people who just really understands numbers. I know what 13 + 7 is because I have memorized since I was young that 3 + 7 is 10. (And maybe because I've spent so much time as a cashier.)

So, idk, I don't think you'd have much of a problem getting reacquainted with simple math, unless you have a problem with memorization. You could go to a used book store and pick up some text books and flash cards, and when you go through a check-out line and hand the cashier your money, FORCE yourself to calculate how much change you will get back before she hands it to you. It's a good quick quiz for you every day.

And I know it's scary to think about actually getting out there to do something about it, but you are NOT ALONE in this, and I am sure that there's an adult ed math class in your area that's just what you need to refresh your memory. :)

[cakefarts.livejournal.com]

I have horrible memory retention, especially with things that I'm generally not very interested in, heh. I guess that means that I just have to make it a constant thing in my life in order to memorize it well. Which, once I do get the hang of it, may actually be easy for me. Like you said, forcing myself to calculate change back would be a perfect way to do so.

Hmm, I'm certain you're absolutely right about there being classes to take. If not, like you said, there's always books and such at the library or book store. Thank you! : )

[milkskate.livejournal.com]

Good luck! :)